My mom thinks I’m a catch. Why don’t you?
One time during Halloween I was standing outside of the bar smoking and this girl comes up to me wearing a dress made out of library card catalogue cards and I say “Nice Dewey Decimal costume.” She started and looked at me and said “No one has guessed what I am. Wow.” and I told her it was one of the best costumes I’ve ever seen. So there she was, looking at me all moony eyed when her big meat head boyfriend comes up and gives me the stink eye and was like “C’mon babe” and she left with him but staring back at me. I never saw here again. I didn’t think situations like that happened in real life. It was like being in an Archie Comic.
*Orders pizza for self* Large
*Orders pizza for more than self* Two extra larges